


dye you in my color

by berryargento



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst?, F/F, Mutual Pining, Progressing Timelines, Romance, Salt?, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-05 15:39:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryargento/pseuds/berryargento
Summary: "How long since she had felt such strong feelings, strong affection called love?" / "How many times she have to spend in order to deny such strong feelings, strong affection called love?"





	1. EXPAJA

**Author's Note:**

> And so uhh. Hello. I don't know why this certain pair magically doesn't left my mind for ... days already and. umm. I tried to experiment in writing but maybe it ... doesn't look any different than usual. This story will contain three parts. Considering the reader have read the tags; you've been warned. The original idea goes to sieka-san, @piiromaniac in twitter. Maybe I don't voice her idea right, so I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> Like usual, I don't own bandori. And I'm not a native English speaker so the grammar would be off. Enjoy the show.

**0.**

How long since she had felt such strong feelings, strong affection called love?

Shirasagi Chisato knew nothing about the world aside the corner of professionalism, everyday of her live is filled with work ethics and a mask of politeness – she should behave like a girl worth of thousand diamonds, for each and every possibilities adults has given to her. She was reigned as child actress, living a sheltered life of responsibility since she couldn't remember when.

When the time come for her to fill as an idol band as a part of her work, she never thought it wasn't the same as 'dull, professional work' she needed to uphold. For her to already forget to open up to people, four members of Pastel*Palettes moved her like wonders, making her shift to open the door to the world she never intended to.

Especially, to _her._

That naïve of a vocalist, the appointed de-facto leader who must band together all members as one band, that non-professional trainee, that one who tried hard even though it was already wrong—

_How long since she had felt such strong feelings, strong affection called love?_

 

**i.**

"Chisato-chan."

She was startled, her notes fell from her grasp. _How disgraceful_ , she thought to herself, she never get seconds to contemplate, usually. It was the first time she has been caught deep in thought to the point she said inwardly that it was embarrassing. Chisato ducked to collect her scattered notes to find a hand helping her, a familiar hand.

She didn't check anyone who startled her so early in the practice season day, she didn't remember the voice who called her earlier, but she got an idea for who that could do such feat.

Her gaze met the shade of pink, Pastel*Palette's vocalist, adorned in her usual twin tail and clad in her training tee and pants, raring to go for the day.

"Is something wrong?" Aya asked. Her eyes gleaming in concern.

"Oh, it's nothing." Their fingers also met down there, brushing unconsciously, her heart went for a flip. _Why she couldn't be so calm just like the past?_ Chisato tried hard to get a hold of herself and managed to collect all papers. "You're here early today." Chisato asked, finally, after regaining her lost breaths.

"Well, it's not like we can slack off because it's summer holiday, right?" her twinkle was brimming with positivism. She did her signature finger snaps—she said that it was idol-like, though Chisato considered it as lame. "Hina-chan, Maya-chan and Eve-chan are changing now, we can start early!"

"That's good then." Yeah, half of it was good since she can command her heart to not fall of those smiles. Half of it is about to whine why their time to be alone together was short. "I need to concentrate on the notes again, can I go to the back for a bit for reading?"

Aya nodded; again, the smile was wide that it wasn't good for her heart.

 

**ii.**

Falling in love to her band mates is the most unprofessional, stupid moves – but Chisato starting to think it wasn't bad.

After all, Aya is—Aya. Not a fake persona like her. She's simply Aya.

 

**iii.**

"Okay, let's get a five?"

Maya waved from behind her drum set after the continuous play of _Shuwarin Dreamin'_. Their forms are perfect, it wouldn't be as hard to focus while moving to the second song now. They will have a gig in few weeks to showcase their new song, _PasuParevolution_ , and everyone is pumped to make it perfect.

When Aya agreed to the idea of taking break, Hina and Eve quickly snatched their bottles from the back, they sat in a circle away from their instruments and took a breather.

"Phew, that was awesome!" Hina said. "What do you think, Chisato-chan?"

"Hmm, it's so-so, I guess?" she could see everyone flinched, except Hina who's still smiling wide. And especially Aya, who almost froze upon hearing the opinion. Ah, how Chisato hated her bluntness sometimes, it could bring the high-spirited members to a severe letdown. "We need to try harder."

Their smiles returned, the atmosphere of the room was radiant again.

Chisato picked her own bottle and ready to head outside per usual, she'd meet staffs along the way to have chit-chat regarding their incoming live. It was when someone stopped her, pulling on her arm; a brisk of cool sensation was there.

"Chisato-chan, wait," Chisato was taken aback. Nobody stopped her from going outside the room. It isn't usual for Aya to stop her. "Will you tell me about what I'm lacking from the practice earlier?"

She wasn't sure what to reply, suddenly her throat went dry. Aya looked so eager – there's this shine that Chisato couldn't explain – and she found herself unable to voice anything to make herself slide free. Her eyes wanted to look elsewhere, somewhere, anywhere that's not the pair of bright pink.

"Can it wait? I … need to go out for a bit to talk with the staff." _Yes, and to compose herself._ _Or maybe to splash her hot face with the coldest water available at the pantry._

Aya let her go with a smile; a smile that told Chisato that she'd wait for her, no matter how long it takes. Chisato was nowhere to dodge the sign of love.

 

**iv.**

Chisato never said it directly, but Aya was a gifted singer.

Pastel*Palettes songs are mostly happy, covered in glitters and sweets from top to bottom where high pitches and long notes were a must. They hardly cover a ballad, or slower songs, but Maruyama Aya handled it with perfection. It was as if her status as a long-time trainee was an understatement, she was shining brightly when she's polished – even worth more to be an actual idol with talents.

Their performance that day was a success, not to mention the audience outside still roaring for W-encore that's outside the set list.

It was overwhelming, Chisato never felt so good for ages - to basked in the spotlight of the stage.

"I'm happy that we did it." Aya said. Chisato was busy looking at the other three who were bouncing happily, not to notice Aya standing beside her. Chisato turned to be bested by the wide, bright smile, and a playful wink. "It's thanks to you, Chisato-chan."

- _How long since she had felt such strong feelings, strong affection called love?_ Chisato thought to herself as she was immobile; completely awe-struck.

 

**v.**

[ There was something about a professional that swept Aya in. ]

By the course of luck, she was admitted to be the vocalist of an idol band Pastel*Palettes, which now is pretty infamous across all media, and she met with the person she looked up to—a true professional, a well-known child actress Shirasagi Chisato.

Aya had vowed from the day one that she would try hard and gain her recognition as partners of the same band, nothing more.

And just like a gap stays there between a trainee and a professional, Aya once thought her will proved futile. Firstly, their debut failed because she couldn't sing, secondly, she failed to sell tickets from their second concert, thirdly—

_Oh, how she could see Chisato eyed her with the look of disgust._

"You're Aya." Chisato once said. "And it's very like you to do that. I can finally understand who you are."

It was when Chisato helped her with the ticket selling, sensing her genuine feeling about Pastel*Palettes, and to know that her work bore a fruit.

Aya had vowed from the day one that she would try hard and gain her recognition as partners of the same band, and _she wanted more_.

She wanted to know more about Chisato.

She wanted to hear Chisato's opinion about matters.

She wanted—

Aya stared at the blank space on the empty practice room she was in. Nobody has yet to come and no staff lounging in.

"What _more_ do I want?"

 

**vi.**

They camped in every time before huge outdoor concerts and Maya made sure she had something for everyone to watch to the point they fell asleep at times. Outside, the night has come; Hina proposed to watch some scary movies while Maya told them about the continuation of the high school drama she brought from several months back.

Aya sneaked a glance to the owner of pale yellow hair, who was nodding off beside her for some while when the film started. _She must be tired, after all, she was not only busy with Pastel*Palettes._

"Chisato-chan?" Aya whispered, nudged her a little. "Want to sleep now?"

She was groggy and her eyes unfocused, maybe she was already in the middle of a dream. "Mm."

"You can use my shoulder. I'll wake you when the film ends."

Usual Chisato would pause, but this time, the bassist plopped down shortly to Aya and the pink-haired took shaky inhales. She looked over to the other three who were immersed at the story in front of them, they didn't even notice Chisato had slept. Aya continued to watch the remainder of the movie, while enjoying the weight on her shoulder silently.

.

As much as Aya enjoyed romance flicks Maya usually brought, she surmised that she doesn't know the concept of love.

Love. _Is the attraction she had for Chisato is the same as love?_

 

**vii.**

After that night, Chisato drifted away from Aya, and the latter didn't know why she did.

Chisato would talk only to Hina or Maya and rarely Eve, but not her.

Chisato would turn down her invitation to eat lunch or to go to the agency together, saying that she had something else to do.

Chisato would spend more time outside Pastel*Palettes unlike usual.

Chisato wouldn't see her in the eyes anymore – it worries her more than necessary.

 _Why she must worry about it on the first place? Was Chisato that important to her? How much she wanted to talk with her? When did everything gone wrong? What happened between her and Chisato that makes she avoids her?_ Her mind had been circulating reasons behind the bassist's action to find nothing.

Aya opened the door to the training hall to find Hina all by herself, tuning her guitar, "Oh! I thought nobody is coming!"

Maya said that she'd be away to see some pyrotechnics, Eve was having a photo shoot for some magazine, and Chisato is out somewhere. There's no official practice today and Aya found herself walking there as if it was her second home. She must've spent her time thinking that she didn't actually pay attention to where she was heading.

"While we at it, why don't you hear me play, Aya-chan?" Hina beamed. "I'll tune it in acoustic."

When the music kicks in, Aya was drowning in her thoughts again, humming along the tune of MOON PRIDE while thinking of the unreachable moon.

"Say, Hina-chan."

"Hmm?" Hina didn't stop playing.

"There's … this person, let's see …" Aya threaded on a thin bridge, thinking what to describe but not to mention the name. "You want to see them everyday. You liked to talk with and get to know them. You're sad when they are avoiding you. You missed them a lot, but you're not sure how to talk," Hina moved into even calmer sway of strings. "do you know what is this?"

There is a staccato before Hina withdrawn her concentration from the guitar, she spoke with a gleam with her eyes.

"It's love, Aya-chan."

"… How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love my sister," Aya wasn't sure to follow. "I mean, I feel like that too with Onee-chan. A feeling to spend time together everyday and hope to understand her. Well, that's what I think~"

Aya took her time to hold her breath, thinking about nothing but Chisato when the music started to play again.

 

**viii.**

"Were you two fighting?"

Eve's question was innocent but it makes Chisato more than startled. And worse, Eve asked it when they were in the middle of group of five, in front of the person she avoided most. She wanted to remain neutral, thinking Aya wasn't worth of her affection and what happened that night was the most stupid thing she needed to erase from her memory, but—

"Were you? Aya-chan, Chisato-chan?" Hina added, tilting her head.

Aya was about to open her mouth when Chisato blurted a quick, "No, that's not it."

Maya scrunched her forehead but didn't say, Eve was the one who spoke for another question. "Then … why are you two seem to avoid each other?"

Chisato was afraid she would shatter now – or maybe she already did. She turned on her heels and not looking back. She ever decided that she couldn't run away, and yet, what she had done is only running away.

"Chisato-chan!"

She tried to move her legs as fast as she could, ignoring the voice who called her—she doesn't know who, everything is blurred; voices, her vision, even her brain—Chisato kept running and running, she tried to reach outside, no matter how hard her lungs are burning—

"Please, stop!"

Perhaps it was because Aya a bit taller than her that she caught up on her in no time, or that she was far too tired that she had slowed down. Chisato was near the back exit of the agency building, only a little more and she's already out, but again, Aya's outstretched hand stopped her. It was one of strong grips, _it hurts._

"Look, I—" Aya started. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

_No, you mustn't apologize, after all, it is me that—_

"I … I want us to talk like usual again," the vocalist continued. "I—I missed you, Chisato-chan."

For a moment, Chisato was breathless. Aya released her hand, finding the shoulders instead, nudged it a bit when she turned to examine Chisato's features. Tears were there, streaming down and not stopping; Aya hated it, it ruined her. Seeing that Chisato was passive of what measures Aya did, her palms moved to cup the reddened cheeks.

"… I'm such a bad person, eh, to make you cry like this?" Aya's voice was broken. _No, Aya-chan, please don't be—_ "Maybe I should … let you go, after all, I only make you sad."

Chisato straightened up, catching the warm hand that threatened to go away in mere minutes. She moved in closer, closer so that she couldn't see anything else but Aya. Their height difference was there, their near-to-nil distance was there, their gazes met and stayed there, also their doubts that lingered in the air was there.

"Is it alright if I say that I love you?"

Aya didn't speak to answer, except to hold Chisato tighter.

 

**ix.**

"Won't we make everyone worry if we don't go back?"

Their hands entwined as they walked across the city. The twinkling lamplights of different colors littered the road here and there, even though it wasn't the moment of summer festival. They decided to simply left the agency building, they didn't say anything to the remainder of Pastel*Palettes member as they did.

Aya was making sure they didn't stand out much, choosing to avoid crowds of people or busy intersections as they walked to nowhere.

"Don't worry, we'll just be out for a while," Aya assured. "I mean, well, I think both of us need some fresh air."

They were still clad in their school uniform, since their fight arise not long after they arrived in the agency. Both of them were looking much like typical high-school girls wandering and about, not lovers.

 _Lovers,_ the word rolled inside Aya's mind, _is that really it?_

"Aya-chan," Chisato looked up to her, her beautiful lilac eyes still swollen. "Are we …?"

Aya gave their linked fingers a squeeze, "You know," she gave a smile. "You're … a popular actress. If they discovered you dated a mere trainee like me, you'll just get in trouble."

"—They won't know."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes."

_She already got what she wanted, she won't ever, ever, let go off that hand—_

 

**x.**

With Aya around, she felt safe.

Her sunshine smile calmed her, her positive aura charmed her again and again; it was as if she saved her from her own darkness.

Though Aya was careful, she kept their relationship under wraps, away from every Pastel*Palettes members, away from everyone who might do them harm – their relation was quite ambiguous, but Chisato liked more and more times they spent together with their hands connected.

Aya is perfect. And there will be nobody that can replace her.

 

**xi.**

Aya was correct about her worries, Chisato could applaud her all day. Because, it was the reason she's being called to the agency all by herself that day.

Usually, the staffs would be the one to reach her, but this time, she had a letter delivered to her. It was addressed to _Pastel*Palettes_ , actually, not just her, however, she won't let Aya took the blame. Her parents were repeating about the same thing about 'this', about her reputation, about her world of professionalism – honestly, she was more than fed up.

"Chisato-san, we've heard these rumors circulated in the mass media as of now …" the director began. "paparazzi even stated they got solid documentation about this matter," and it went on. Her smile was close to end. "Is it true that you dated Maruyama Aya of Pastel*Palettes?"

.

[ _Unbeknownst to the yellow-haired girl, an eavesdropping girl in pink hair passed by the open door._ ]

 

**xii.**

Hina, Maya and Eve found it strange to know that their schedules of the month has been cancelled altogether. That day, they have been called to the agency formally, not to start a practice or talk about the gigs.

"Is it because of 'that'?" Hina asked. Eve had her head hung low. "You got an idea what the agency will do, Maya-chan?"

Maya shot a frown, "… I hope it won't be something bad." The bespectacled girl opened her phone, skipping to the chat window. "Where are Aya-san and Chisato-san, I wonder? I thought I made sure the chat is read by everyone …"

 

**xiii.**

Chisato was surprised to see Aya by her doors so early in the morning, their designated meeting at the agency is still far by four more hours. Aya greeted her with that smile – _a smile only for her_ – and then Chisato offered her to come in for a tea,

in which Aya refused.

Chisato gave Aya a puzzled look. Aya then gave her a different smile – a sad, melancholic, something indescribable lingered behind it. She took both of Chisato's hands up, grazing the skin with her right thumb and kissing the other's tenderly.

"I know why we're called in today, and why our gigs were cancelled." Aya exhaled, her voice wavering. "It's because they wanted to disband Pastel*Palettes, right?"

Chisato was sure the information is classified—until the day the agency staffs would break in the news, though they won't state the real reason beside the disbandment.

"So it was true, I'm … only a bad influence." Chisato wanted to deny, although she knew all-to-well that a relationship between idols are such a taboo. "After all, we're both girls and you have your reputation to hold up." Chisato wanted to say anything to make Aya feel better, and yet she was beyond confused. She doesn't know what to speak of. "I already talked to the agency to have us separated, too, so we won't meet each other anymore."

"Aya-chan—"

"This will be our goodbyes."

Aya let go off her hand, then walked away as if she was never there.

_{ If only she is stronger back then, she won't— }_


	2. rain and storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four summers have passed; for nothing left to be remembered - only the heartache and the longing.

**i. rain inside her heart**

That huge TV screen has been something she passed to, especially when she went to her part-time job as a barista. Since it was located by the center of the busy intersection, the TV's loud and enchanting colors are hard to miss. She would always stop if she picked something of her interest, sometimes about newest fashion trend news, a pointless astrology break, and the recent hot info about showbiz.

A familiar name entered her peripheral view, followed by photos as a 'proof' that the news maker dug up a 'truth'.

 _'The up-and-coming drama actress, Shirasagi Chisato is shown to share an intimate_ _moment_ _with –'_

The newsflash continued, stating more and more points that she wanted to ignore. She scanned around to find handful of people also watched, some even starting to take pictures and whispering to their peers.

_"So the rumors were true! Kyaa!"_

_"I'm so happy for her, I mean, he's such a good guy."_

Four summers have passed since, and all she could do every time she passed to see the news, is only to shrug. Her single ponytail hung lazily over her shoulder as she turned, fixing her glasses, sneaking her knuckles inside her sweater pocket, and going back to the track – leaving whatever the gossip says about Chisato behind her back.

Aya already knew they belonged to different places – the higher plane to the lowly slums, the silver plate to the broken board, a well-known idol to a cast shadow of someone who tried to be one. Aya was happy to see what Chisato had achieved in past years, her career blossoms and it won't stop growing; Chisato is known as multi-talented actress who starred countless dramas and having a knowledge in music. Aya would try to access her blog often for her recent talk stages, see her post anything across different social medias, Aya would know what happened to her even though they never meet anymore, she always find her ways to know how Chisato has been doing.

Yet, part of her mind seem to replay the exact same day, the fateful day when she decided to leave for the greater good.

[ She already seen Chisato's big achievement, then, why there's a hollow hole inside her heart? ]

Aya gazed at the bright sky above, witnessing another summer without the precious warmth and excitement. A tune softly flew from her lips, as she muted the world around her and continue to walk – to go away from the past vivid colors called Pastel*Palettes, seeking the dull monochrome of her life of now.

.

_Though she already forgotten how warm her smile was, how kind and polite she behaved (that Aya admired it so much), how ticklish it felt when their skin grazed, how butterflies will swarm inside her when their breaths entwined; part of her yearned for Shirasagi Chisato and she couldn't let it stop._

.

She paused from her tracks as she arrived at the small café around the corner of town, one of her part-time destination. It was a bit early from usual opening hours, but Aya would always clock in early to tidy up things and (maybe) whipped up a new kind of concoction so that she could get a raise.

The latter was highly an imagination, though.

Aya unlocked the front door, flipped the sign _OPEN_ , and started to get things ready.

Aya changed to her work clothes, composed of white shirt, black apron and black pants. She'd ocassionaly forget to wear her nameplate and would remember a bit later, mostly when customers pointed it out. She picked up her pace to fill in the pastry cases, checked the coffee machine's condition, and turned on the cash registry. Aya worked there mainly in day shift, only to help night shift when she had the time and when there's nobody to fill in. The café usually won't be crowded around the day, except if and only if the boss told her to hold a flash sale.

A ring to the door, a young woman in one piece dress of pale blue hue came in. Aya would stop when she noticed her eyes, it wasn't the same lilac like someone she had known—that darker shade of purple that is deep, deeper than a cut of Amethyst—and she found herself swallows.

"You're here early, Kanon-chan." Aya addressed one of the morning regulars.

The girl by the name of Kanon nodded to her call, she looked apologetic. "I-I'm not coming in while you're still getting ready, right? I'm sorry!"

"It's alright, though, I only hope that you can wait for a bit for your usual Chai Tea Latte."

"Don't worry, I'm not in hurry either," Kanon said. "I'll happily wait any time for your signature Tea Lattes, Aya-chan!"

Matsubara Kanon is an avid tea lover—she confirmed it herself—and she'd come in to order nothing but types of tea between the coffee menu. Aya was happy to know the girl of her age is around, though at first, Kanon came there because she was lost. They happened to talk lots about many things and slowly become friends. Little did Aya know that Kanon was also graduated from Hanasakigawa, Aya couldn't help but to think how small the world is.

Took some time for Aya to prepare the latte after she finished wiping the counter. Kanon watched her work without much talking. The barista handed in the medium-sized glass away, also passed the signed café's tissue.

"I want to introduce this café to my friend next time, since there is a genius tea-maker in town." Kanon smiled.

"Don't exaggerate it; I'm just following the instructions to prepare a drink," Aya laughed. "You can find the same tea lattes almost everywhere now. You'll disappoint your friend if you brought them to this rundown shop~"

Café _la vie en rose_ is your average, western style-inspired café that located far for people to reach. Because of its small size and bland decorations, hardly anyone would come to enjoy the specials, unless it were regulars or people who lived nearby. That was the exact reason why Aya chose this café, to indulge in its loneliness, to make herself feel more and more reserved, to learn to be an observant in silence rather than a spokesperson of a game.

—and for certain someone not to find her trace.

 

**ii. storm inside her mind**

Her eyes quickly squint as she read the headlines on her phone this morning, aside from mails from her manager saying that the scheduled photo shoot today was canceled.

_Again, why media loved to buy such baseless, stupid rumor?_

She checked those pictures, one-by-one, mostly from the closing episode shots she took yesterday. She only shivered thinking how the male lead—that useless guy, she must note—totally wanted to get himself closer to her. The news riled up about their closeness after some time, even already moved to think him as her hypothetical boyfriend, in which Chisato waved it off.

After the job is wrapped up, she personally asked for a week of day off so she could retreat to her personal space, resting in her own apartment after so long.

Shirasagi Chisato sighed heavily and closed an open tab from her browser window.

She remembered telling her manager about her disinterest with the male lead and would not opt to make any news aside for the drama's promotional purposes. She'd love for those leaked photos deleted later, along with an official message posted saying that she wasn't even dating that guy.

A notification came in, an unusual, non muted pop. A mail is coming from Yamato Maya.

_Chisato-san! Are you still using this mail address as your contact info? I hope the message reaches you.  
I know you're busy with your new TV program and all, but can you spare some time to meet up with us, Pastel*Palettes, for a lunch today?_

Chisato pursed her lips, she didn't know whether to smile or to be sad. It has been four years since she last heard of the remainder of the disbanded idol group, wondering how's their condition now. Then again, it wasn't Maya's first message after years, ex-Pastel*Palettes members would still gather together for a short lunch or dinner – while it was missing their 'core' eternally.

"She won't be coming, huh …" _Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next month. Not for another year. **That girl** is gone._ Her mind already stopped counting at how frequent Pastel*Palettes meet up, and no sign of any pink hair present.

Chisato got up from her dressing table, seeking for water to wash her face out of frenzy. She watched her mirrored self over the mirror, realized just then that fresh tears welled up from her eyes.

That girl; that girl. The girl with incredulous idol pose. The girl with an utmost passion of idol. The naïve, inexperienced, that girl who'll try her hardest to fulfill her dreams.

(She loves how Aya would resemble a sun. She loves when their fingers touch and their eyes met. She loves what Aya do when she held her. She loves Aya for who Aya is. She, _she—_ )

 _Why must you leave?_ Chisato already knew the answer; but it keeps slipping from her lips, ever-so-slightly as her tears unconsciously stream.

 

**iii.**

She would always say yes to every appointment ex-PasPale members said; holding a sliver of hope that a certain vocalist was _there—_

Chisato do her hair in usual single white tie. She wasn't sure what to choose from her wardrobe except white chiffon long sleeve blouse. Their meeting place is one of the café Chisato ever brought the band to, and she only saw three seats full from available five.

Her heart clenched, hard. _What did she expect again?_

"It's Chisato-chan!"

Eve would be the first to jump from her chair and hug the yellow-haired bassist. Hina and Maya grinned behind her.

"It has been quite some time, right?" Chisato quips, she took her seat near to Maya and leaving the empty one nearby Eve's alone. "How have you been, everyone?"

Last time of their meeting is when Eve rigorously study for her college entrance exam. While Maya and Hina do enter college, Chisato did not because she focused on her career. Eve answered with a wide smile that she was accepted in Literature major and that she continue her modelling career. Maya sometimes made an off-hand comment about 'Does a famous actress allowed to be out in the open?' while Hina be like 'Your height stays the same, Chisato-chan.'

It won't be long before they hit the topic of 'that girl', Chisato could feel it.

"Speaking of which, do you know how Aya-chan is, right, Chisato-chan?" Hina asks, Chisato found herself chewing her own table grew silent. Both Maya and Eve didn't say a word. "-oh? You don't?"

"I …" rolling her eyes, Chisato tried to find her own words. "I was busy, and Aya-chan never showed up."

_After all, she decided to push me away, she won't be there—_

"I just met her recently," Chisato was sure to hear something cracked inside her. And the cracks didn't stop forming. "She's in photography major now and she is not in idol industry anymore. Also she might be doing multiple part-time jobs now to pay for her fees."

.

_"Hey, Hina-chan?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Are you sure we can bring up the topic about Aya-chan? I mean, Chisato-chan was ..."_

_"She was with Aya-chan, right? I think it's better that she know." Hina mused. "After all, she must be the reason why Aya didn't cry when PasPale disbanded—or_ _'_ _they_ _'_ _were the reason."_

 

**iv.**

Being an 'underground' idol wasn't something Aya told to anybody, let alone Pastel*Palettes members. Actually, her job wasn't 'underground' per se, she's just becoming a substitute singer in many events but she'd never getting publicized. Sometimes she'd become a body double and carry out the signing events from top to bottom. There also a secret gigs in arena somewhere she filled for once, though her name won't be on the poster or any types of advertisement.

By now, she has been accustomed to become an 'idol' without fans – it might not be her dream, but it sounded almost identical. It pays barely, but it's still higher than what she could get from other side jobs. The atmosphere was pretty much the same when she was still a trainee, too, it's the best job she could ask for.

Aya would come to the agency after the session of photography class she had in the afternoon, the staffs would explain her new jobs and what she must prepare beforehand. She'd go home if there's no jobs after seeing other idols in the agency carried out theirs, to the late of the night – well, as long as she doesn't have her another part-time job in convenience store.

Aya never showed herself with her plain look and glasses there – she still have a hope that someone might notice her as an idol, an old habit die hard sometimes.

"This will be a bit different. You'll be the main singer and it will be two-day event near by the beach," the staff said. "The first day will start around evening, you'll be staying in the hotel for a night and we'll be starting the next day event around noon."

The job required her to sing and it would be okay for her to don her usual twintail, so the job description said. The thing that piqued her much that she'd be singing as a 'band'.

"I'll be in a band?" Aya asked, pointing to the line.

"Don't worry, it won't be the vocalist that will take the spotlight, we're doing it to take more footage of the instruments' play. There's also talk stage, but it doesn't concern you," the staff explained. "So, I take that you're up for this, Maruyama-san?"

_Bands. It has been so long._

 

**v.**

The meeting with PasPale members ended up with much silence than necessary after Hina brought up about Aya. Chisato silently think to herself whether they might now about the exact reason behind their group's disbandment. Hina had this frown when Chisato wanted to get over the topic, Chisato might as well apologize to Hina later. She should be thankful that she, _at least for a bit_ , she knew about how Aya is been doing.

"Not as idols anymore, huh ..." Chisato sighed. "So that's how far you'll go with your dreams."

Chisato needed to get a cold shower that evening, when her phone buzzed to a call from her manager. Ah, so much she wished there'll be no mention about work when she was deep in thought—

"Me as a bassist?"

Chisato was stunned when she was explained about her next job description. She'd fill in an extra about actor and actress playing musical instruments combined with actual band playing and talk stages. Aside from drummer and bassist, other who'll fill in is an experienced band members, or so she heard, so that they won't let her down when playing.

 _"There's a record that you ever played bass before, so the promoter called up asking whether you'll take the position,"_ her manager said. _"It would be a two-day event and you'll be staying at the hotel nearby the site. It's still for another month, so you have lots of time to get ready."_

As an actress, she has the privilege to cancel any jobs she doesn't want to do, including this one. It might as well just a whim from the agency to ask her of such, because she was in the peak of her career as an actress. Then again, bands? Talk about nostalgic, even it wasn't the right time to be talking about 'band' for now.

"When will you send me the music sheet?"

 

**vi.**

The moment she entered the site, she was nervous. It was her first time to be in such big stage in her life which she is partially exposed to cameras and all. Aya had overcome her stage fright long ago, however, this spotlight wasn't what she had expected.

The agency explained that it would be a small stage with little coverage of media and little local fans would watch. The stage is set up for a TV special that would only be aired once and could be purchased as bonus CDs later on for a magazine. The camera setting was just like how the staff had mentioned, it won't focus on the vocalist, nor the guitarist; it would be all about the drummer and the bassist.

Aya balled her fist, repeated the chant from her oshi Ayumi-san repeatedly, of how to keep smiling despite all odds, before she went to the dressing room, swallowing her nervousness and anxiety.

When she entered the room, she was overwhelmed with a tinge of pale yellow. Aya held her breath when the young woman who was sitting by one of the chair in front of the mirrors turned because the door was open. Those lilac eyes frozen as they met her pink ones. _The bassist_ —if only she could ask about who it was before accepting the job.

The room was void except the two of them.

"... Aya-chan?"

The name rolled out from her lips and seemed all too surreal, Aya was at loss of words.

"—Shi, Shirasagi-san." _Whymustshecalledherthat._ Aya swallowed and bowed down. Her heartbeat was erratic. "I-It's nice to be working with you!"

When Aya lifted her head up, what she saw from Chisato's features was a tinge of disappointment, with many things mixed in-between that she couldn't decipher. Chisato raised from her seat, made unsure steps to approach Aya—in which Aya took a step back.

Chisato didn't say a thing when she was right in front of Aya, her eyes simply examine the pink-haired young woman from head to toe, seeing how Aya had grown in height, she was taller than the last time Chisato saw her,—their height difference now might force Chisato to tiptoes to see fully— but her eyes were still soft, as it holds her gaze in place like it was yesterday. Her fluffy pink hair is a bit longer, though it doesn't go far past her shoulders just like how she always known Aya.

[The difference was that Chisato couldn't detect the happy, high-spirited Aya from there, which she was dearly missed.]

Chisato found herself unconsciously reached, while Aya quickly pulled herself.

"We ... should get ready. The opening will start soon." Aya didn't see her, directing her attention to the wardrobe. "I'll ... ask the hairdresser and make-up artist to get here."

.

Chisato listened to the hurried footsteps before it faded; she clutched the hollow palms to her chest, whispering for a name she forever longed.

 

**vii.**

The set list was composed of three and it was short compared to the counted total of minutes it should have been. The vocalist gave her best smile to the crowd below, who was ecstatic of the performance that went quite well. As if nostalgia called her, Aya looked over her shoulder to her right, where the that girl in yellow hair supposed to be. Chisato was visibly exhausted, the bass still on her hold. The vocalist braced to smile fondly, similar when the things were still right, mouthing a fast 'good work' before she set the mic off.

 

**viii.**

"What do you mean that we don't have another open room?"

Her manager repeatedly apologized, as well as the hotel receptionist. The hotel the team had reserved was full due to the holiday season, and Chisato forced to share a room with someone else. Chisato was on edge, thinking about privacy and all, also she needed some space to breathe.

"I really am sorry, I'll look for another option—oh, there she is."

It turned that none other than Maruyama Aya—the no-name singer—who's coming to share a room with her.

 

**ix.**

Aya thought that it was a curse, rather than a luck; a punishment because she ran away from the whims of fate. Though, she still keep to herself that she done it for the better, since she wanted for Chisato to be a star rather than a stone.

That night, she found herself unable to react fast to cover a very typical question from someone who she never met for a long time.

"Where have you been, Aya-chan?"

Between them were a growing gap of four summers, Chisato had a sharp glare to her the moment they entered the shared hotel room they have for the night. There was nowhere to run anymore, Aya thought, it is between the devil and the deep blue sea. Chisato waited for an answer, they have been standing long with Aya tried to make any words out of her dry throat.

"I ..." Aya fidgeted.

"You. You disappeared." Chisato bursted. "You were no longer sought for your dream. You avoided it all because you don't want to meet me anymore. Why? Why must you do that?"

"Shirasagi-san—"

"Answer me." it was bitter, Chisato didn't like how it sounded. And for the first time, she saw a flare from Aya.

Aya's voice was quiet, clipped. "I already said that I'm doing it to protect you," Chisato knew about it, she knew all too well, but what does Aya feel—

"How can you brought that up again, saying things like you cared, while you're happy with your boyfriend?"

"How ... did you know?" Chisato looked at Aya in disbelief.

"The gossips are true then, about you having a boyfriend," Aya stumbled. "I-I see the news about you often," _everyday,_ she must noted. "You were—"

"Stop." Inside her head, Chisato screamed. _No. No. No. This isn't happening_. "It's not like how it looks. I—Why do you even care about it, too?"

Aya had her face low, scrunched, Chisato unable to see her, and she couldn't take it anymore. Fueled with adrenaline, Chisato took herself to lift Aya's face, seeing those hollow eyes—such dullness unfit for Aya—filled with tears. The strength Aya use to cast away Chisato's hands were weak, no more like a touch rather than forcing her to let go.

"You always answered a question with a question, how can I understand what you wanted?" Aya trembled in her touch, while Chisato felt her heart is stabbed, split. "If you hated how we're apart, then why you never said anything about it? Why don't you make me sure of things?"

Aya wasn't blaming her; 'blame' is not the right word. Or even 'accuse', Aya just—

[ How can't she simply say the magic three words? ]

Aya took her hand, now stronger, but not harsh. She brought the knuckles to meet her lips; such act made Chisato shivered.

" _Nee,_ can I be selfish for tonight?"

 

**x.**

_Tell me to stop._

Aya repeated it a few times, maybe Chisato already bored by it.

Chisato was pushed to the bed, Aya looking down at her with tears still in her eyes seconds before she ducked, and they kissed.

_Tell me to stop from making you mine._

.

.

.

[ And Chisato doesn't reject, nor she voiced her agreement. ]

 

**xi.**

When morning came, Aya was more than awake. Part of her was readily alert, eyes rolling back and forth to the hotel interior before she focused to see the woman sleeping beside her.

Both of them still naked under the sheet; Aya's memory was fuzzy of the details but the warmth—between the coldness that suddenly sets in—remained. Chisato was asleep, though she didn't see the apparent tiredness, what they did last night must've been exhausting, especially after their performance event.

Aya didn't know how long her gaze stayed; seeing the eyelashes, feeling to the heave, slow breaths that tickled her skin – watching how peaceful the state Chisato was in gave tingles to her chest.

She scooted closer, parting ways of Chisato's bangs. There was a lingering hesitation before eventually she moved, planting her lips to touch the forehead.

"I still love you, you know ..." Aya whispered. "Chisato-chan, you meanie."

 

**xii.**

After she was sure the door that lead outside the room is closed, Chisato opened her eyes. She quickly buried her face to the pillow, suppressing her blush and long sigh.

[ _Aya-chan._ _—_ The name came out naturally from her lips now, just like that last night when she repeated it, for only God knows how many times. ]

She took off with a baited breath. The empty space where Aya was is filled with her clothes, neatly folded. There's a note slipped around the collar, Chisato opened it to see small, cute handwriting.

_I'm sorry._

_I'll be out to meet the staff and won't be back to the room. Good luck with the performance today._

_Aya._

The clothes were nowhere smelled like hers anymore – it brimmed with a foreign one, yet it _is_ what she longed for, the _color_ she sought for. They might return to be strangers after what happened, Chisato already saw it coming, but just for a little while, let her be—

.

_"If you hated how we're apart, then why you never said anything about it? Why don't you make me sure of things?"_

.

Aya's questions, Aya's sad expression, Aya's fiery flame when she pleasured her – the one mixed with a speck of regret; every piece of Aya is planted inside her mind and couldn't let go.

{Does she still had a chance, even after the big hole of four years set between them?}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, there's angstsex planned for this chapter but somehow I can't write it ;;; I'm sorry. Enjoy Salt.


	3. as the ice crystal melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just like my overflowing feelings, the flowers bloom and the bubbles broke down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end, I don't do anything. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy the last chapter ... and I'm sorry again.
> 
> ((Oh, maybe you realized that I get the chapter title from Shuwarin~ Dreamin~ lyrics, haha))

**i. it started with an iceberg**

_Never she expected to meet Hina again after being away from Pastel*Palettes meeting invitation for four years. The blue-haired ex-guitarist was walking inside the café one day, bringing a guitar case with her. Aya couldn't help but to stare when Hina spotted her that day, she quickly ran to the counter ignoring other customers who's present. Perhaps it is Hina's stroke of luck to find her, or it was a pure coincidence, or God already told her to stop finding a way out._

_"Aya-chan! I found you!" was what Hina said, happily when she's at it._

_Aya took her time to apologize to others for ruckus and pulled Hina to the back room. The hyper girl was having this bright eye twinkle as she speaks._

_"Hina-chan, what are you doing here!?"_

_"I was searching for sweets and coffee for Onee-chan," Hina explained. "And I stumbled to this café la vie en rose! So you worked here, Aya-chan!"_

_"Ssh, keep it quiet—"_

_It's hard to handle Hina's excitement, Aya had learned it through experience. She kept up with it nonetheless, since Hina is the type who not easy to chill._

_"Where have you been? We've missed you, y'know? Maya-chan wants to talk with you again, Eve-chan wants to hug you again, and Chisato-chan—"_

_It took a name to make her shaken. "… Chisato-chan doesn't say anything about me, right?"_

_"Mm? How do you know?"_

_Aya tried hard not to break, but she broke down anyways – clutching to Hina's checkered shirt like a lifeline. What she could heard from Hina are words of comfort, which is useless, and the girl waited for Aya to calm down._

_._

_Aya told Hina everything;—well, not everything. Aya didn't mention how she's still singing in underground gigs. She mentioned she had 'many side jobs to cover up her college expenses and expensive photography equipments. She didn't tell of her heartache from thinking about Chisato, or anything about how PasPale disbanded.—and Hina nodded in comprehension, with this mysterious glint she had in her eyes as Aya finished her conversation. In exchange, Hina told about the current state of Pastel*Palettes members; how Eve stays the same with her bushido spirit, how Maya still as geek as ever around equipments and techs, and how Chisato didn't grow in height but to shine brighter than ever as an actress._

_"—Ah, so that's what happened." Hina had her head held high. "Don't you find it tired to keep running away?"_

_Aya couldn't make any answer to that._

 

**ii.**

Aya fumbled on the shutter button of her camera as she stayed away from the stage after the gig ended. She was eager to take a picture of the stage set-up since it was beautiful, also it was her first big stage after years of her days working as an 'idol'. Aya quickly pulled herself after the main performance and didn't bother with the talk stage section, since she knew Chisato would be there.

 _That night was enough of selfishness I can get,_ Aya thought to herself, she took the camera up and took a random shot to the sea. _I'll run again after this, she won't be searching for me._

The talk stage is still in session, with Aya already lost count how many times Chisato giggled to the audience.

Those luscious strand of golden hair, the bewitching pair of lilac, the warm but professional smile, the kissable small lips—

Aya swallowed as she zoomed to the stage; relishing each and every small frame she could before she tried to forget about what happened last night.

 

**iii.**

After the stage event, everything went as Chisato predicted: she was nowhere to hear about Maruyama Aya anymore. She was like a passing shadow, an unknown comet who'll never be back.

Maybe Chisato really took the event as granted, while it was her very last chance before the treasure slipped from her touch.

Chisato wrapped her arms around herself that morning, feeling the void ghosting her body like a coat. The warmth that was there yesterday was no longer available, the foreign smell that was in for each of her breath's intake was nil, the voice who called her name was—

 _No._ She already let her go. Why must she yearns for her again?

 

**iv.**

Aya borrowed the college's high quality printing used for most photography assignments to extract photos she got from that day. She liked the sea that she took picture of, and she wanted to make sure one of photos from the event to be printed.

A photo of Chisato; her smile is natural, she's gazing not to the camera but to her surrounding. If anyone about to spot her, maybe she'd be looked like some gross hardcore fans who's taking an illegal photo. Well, she wasn't in the site as an audience, she was counted as the staff there and she took it not from the seats, so all should end well.

 

**v.**

Hina came to café _la vie en rose_ again one day, Aya gave her a free caramel latte and they chatted in the shop by the bar counter. It was still early, away from possible bustling customers to come. Hina said she wanted to go to her older sister's concert, but she went early so the guitarist of Roselia won't spot her going – she wanted to surprise her and brought a green light stick.

Hina promised she won't tell Eve and Maya yet about how Hina had found her, and of course, to Chisato.

"I see, you and Chisato-chan finally meet," Hina concluded after Aya's wholeful story. "How was it go? I think it is bad?"

"… I'm … not happy at how sharp you are sometimes, Hina-chan," Aya fought the urge to weep. "It was _very_ bad."

"Did you tell her how do you feel?" at this, Aya choked. "… failed, too?"

"Hina-chan, _please_ ," Aya whined. "I—well—I, I just don't know what to say, okay? We've met after four years and I still avoided her up until now. We won't happen to meet again like that, I already take a countermeasure for it."

Hina gave a hum, "But what if it's Chisato-chan who will search for you? Will you reject her?"

"That's … impossible," Aya shook her head. "I mean, Chisato-chan is … I'm not worth of her love."

Hina popped her straw, she gave Aya a wide smile, "Don't sell yourself short, Aya-chan."

 

**vi.**

As the stress from her work piling up, Chisato seeks to talk to someone, though she banned Seta Kaoru from the list of people, though sometimes Chisato would happen to see the purple-haired guitarist from _Hello, Happy World_ together with Matsubara Kanon, the target of her refuge. She opted not to reach for Pastel*Palettes members for this, at least for now – she wanted a more objective view.

It has been long since the event passed, and Chisato still woke up in the same state of longing; the touch, the kiss, the hiss, the breath to her lips and how it magically disappeared alike mist, the existence of Aya is never was.

_She wondered if the pink-haired girl feel the same—_

"Today, Kaoru-chan is dragged by Kokoro-chan somewhere," Kanon said as Chisato settled in after spotting Kanon was there, enjoying tea and confectionaries all by herself. "Are you alright, Chisato-chan? You look pale."

"Nothing much, just from work," Kanon nodded in understanding. The blue-haired young woman always lending her ear to Chisato's problem, she'd stay silent until Chisato talked. "I'm okay now, my manager granted me a full week for holiday."

She got a permission for a week day off from her manager to settle things up – at least to pick up her messy self. Also, she had her manager to handle things for rumors regarding 'boyfriend' thing to be cleared.

Chisato thought that maybe a week is not enough, but she must steeled herself; after all, she had thrown away her only chance to make up with Aya and saying her feelings.

Kanon took a sip of her tea, waiting for the lingering uneasiness from Chisato gone before she spoke, "Why don't we go tea viking again?" Kanon asked. What she meant by tea viking is her own term to seek for best tea. "I found a place that you might like, Chisato-chan. I think you'll be happy since it good nice tea lattes and nice atmosphere."

 _A trip to a new café might do wonders_ , Chisato said to herself, _seeing a newer environment is a form of refreshment of dull daily schedules, after all_ , she nodded shortly, "It's a lovely idea."

"It's settled then! Is it okay if we meet up this Sunday morning, at the big intersection?"

 _Right, she might as well as asking Kanon for opinion about Aya._ —Chisato noted.

 

**vii.**

Aya clocked in early that Sunday, she'd be working full-shift to reach the goal of having enough money to buy a newer lens. She counted how much she'd earn from her full shift plus her overtimes, also if she took a job in a nearby beef bowl shop or florist too since she's not getting any new job from the agency.

The barista made sure every spot is cleaned half an hour before the shop opened, also not to forget to put the wooden café sign out and wrote the available discount of the day and the special menu. She wiped the pastry showcase twice and the counter thrice, trying to minimal her clumsiness per what Hina ever said and— _she nearly forget to flip the sign OPEN—_ the café was ready for the day.

She forgot to fill in the beans to the machine, so she brought in the big, heavy bag, struggling to keep her glasses in place and to her surprise, a customer came in.

Blue hair, _it might be Kanon_ , she caught the glimpse of it from the side of the big bag. "Welcome to the _la vie en rose,_ please wait for a bit, I need to load in—"

"Aya-chan?"

Aya blinked. _That voice_ —she couldn't be mistaken, because it rings painfully too familiar.

"Huh? Chisato-chan, you know the barista?" Kanon question kicks in. Aya didn't say a word, still concealing her face because the coffee machine is a mile away.

The pink-haired barista released the bag to the ground, with a nervous smile she looked up, meeting with two customers. Chisato's eyes widened to acknowledge her, Aya only shifted up her glasses, breaking in cold sweat.

"May I … take your order?"

Kanon's eyes glazed to the menu board up there, while Chisato held her gaze. Aya cleared her throat, looking away and fidgeting. How the blue-haired woman taking long to order isn't helping for both.

"I'll have hot Chai tea latte for now, how about you, Chisato-chan?"

"I'll have the same."

"Alright, comin' right up."

.

Chisato didn't know how long she had held her breath, and finally exhaled as Kanon asked her where to sit. Aya was there as a barista, looking plain in the combination of white shirt below store's green apron. She donned her hair in an unfamiliar single ponytail and boring, black-framed spectacles to add. How Chisato missed how stylish Aya did in their highschool days with her hair loose, _oh_ , how she can complain all day about that.

She and Kanon chose the spot far from the counter, facing the back window of the café by the left wing. Kanon had this puzzled look with many unanswered question of Chisato's familiarity with Aya, and she hoped to know. The tea would be delivered later after the barista finished with the preparation.

"Then, is there something you want to tell me, Chisato-chan?"

 _Where should she start?_ Chisato felt her head spinning. She wasn't sure to talk now, of all times, since the subject in conversation is present, near, though they were far away, they were practically in the same room.

"You know, Kanon," Chisato sighed. "Do you remember when I came to you one summer in our highschool days and I said I was … heartbroken?"

Kanon gathered the piece of information, "W, when you didn't stop crying for … weeks? That I was confused and even ask Kaoru-chan for help?"

Lilac eyes rolled, how she wished for Kanon not to press about that. Nonetheless, she nodded. "I'm sorry, it must've been too old to be a topic."

"It's alright, it's alright," Kanon said.

"That person, I met them again," Chisato felt her heart tightened. "They're ... no longer the same as I ever know. They had changed, I thought I could stop fell in love but – the way they treated me, the way they sees me, I ... I want us to be back together again."

"Why don't you say it to them, then? Why are you hesitating, Chisato-chan?" Kanon asked in soft voice.

"I ... I don't know. I'm still not sure if they'll accept me after moments we've been through," she swallowed, hoping that Aya won't hear. "I want to tell them how I feel, I'm afraid that it might destroy everything they had built, I'm afraid I might be selfish, I—"

Chisato was shaking, Kanon took her hand and squeezed it on the table, sometimes making circle to soothe the blonde. Kanon shushed a word of condolesence with smile, Chisato was about to continue, when another hand came holding two carton cups of tea to them.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No, not at all." Kanon replied, she took one of the cups, gesturing Chisato to do the same.

Their eyes passed, albeit fleetingly, as well as a little trickle to both skin. Aya paused when their fingers touched, Chisato didn't hold back her blush when they did.

"Umm, take your time."

.

Aya came to the back room directly, hands clasped her mouth close as she supressed a shriek; of countless words she could utter and regret.

_Chisato-chan, she—did she tell the truth? Or she was being delusional?_

Aya found herself hard to breathe, it was like, a mix of happiness yet she still had doubts, since everything seems to fall in places in perfect manner. She had learnt from experience not to hope too much.

[This warmth – will it be alright for her to take it?]

Aya dropped her shoulders, thinking that there won't be anymore coincidence happening and that she only got a chance to confirm right there. She'd have to disturb Chisato in her quality time with her friend,— _oh, they were holding hands, too_.—and possibly ruined her day.

_For the first time after four years, Aya wanted to stop, stop running away—_

 

**viii.**

Aya is working for cafe _la vie en rose_ ; she doesn't know when her shift is and Chisato was too busy to even come and talk again after her one week break. The showbiz's schedule hit her like a train, long and never stop to come; from several shots for episode of a new drama to photo sessions for magazine, not to mention she needed to host several radio shows or appearing in talk stages – the name Shirasagi Chisato keeps blooming and blooming day-by-day.

[ One thing stayed same: her recurring thought to confess to a certain pink-haired barista. ]

 

**ix.**

Aya stretched her arms after the photo session she took with her class today. When she walked outside the building, the sky was cast in a mix of orange and black, the night would be there soon when Aya noticed that there's far too many dark clouds in the sky. She quickly unstrapped her camera from hanging on her neck, tidying up the rest of her equipment inside her bag before she set off.

There was no job in agency tonight, she was too tired to simply wander around to watch. She took a day off from her convenience store job and the cafe is closed today per owner's request—she doesn't remember why, it was his anniversary or something—so Aya could go straight home.

She passed the way to the cafe when the rain started to pour, quite hard at that. Aya thought that maybe she could get a shelter at the cafe for awhile and wait for the rain to slow down. The apartment she rented wasn't that far from there, so if the rain doesn't let up, she'd need to risk it.

Aya wasn't the first to arrive at the cafe's terrace, a young woman was there, arms circled around herself as she trembled. Her white, sleeveless chiffon dress was drenched, her blonde hair was fairly wet.

"Chisato-chan?"

The name came from her lips naturally. Chisato turned to meet her eyes, though Aya this time doesn't hesitate. The ex-bassist opened her lips, but nothing came out as Aya took off her denim cargo jacket for the small shoulders. Aya have many questions in mind, as why Chisato was there or why an actress bothered to walk in the rain – there's something else important to do rather than too much talking.

"You'll catch cold like this," Aya said. "Why don't we go to my apartment for now? You can borrow my clothes."

"Huh? But—"

"I don't want you to catch a cold, Chisato-chan." Aya repeated. "Please?"

[ She already vowed not to run away anymore, and she did. ]

 

**x.**

_Aya's world is small_ , Chisato concluded to herself when they arrived in a complex of rundown apartment not far north from the cafe, passing by a busy intersection with a large TV screen. Her room is by the farthest of the alley of third floor, and by the distance with another door of different number, Aya's apartment must be small, might be a studio or even smaller that you can see every rooms by the center area.

Both of them didn't talk much as Aya pulled her throughout the rain. Chisato clutched tightly to Aya's cargo jacket, which is loose on her. Aya have this apologetic look when she told Chisato to come in. "I'm sorry because it is small, but please do make yourself comfortable."

The place smell much like how her cargo jacket was; a not-so-strong yet subtle sweet scent that is Aya. Aya shuffled her way to the room by the left side of the small living room, coming out to take two towels with her, she draped one to Chisato and started drying the blonde hair.

"Geez, what will everyone say if they found the up and coming showbiz actress was out there, alone in the rain and vulnerable?" Aya made a joke. "This isn't like you, Chisato-chan."

Chisato looked down, pondering whatever to simply reply. No matter how much she composed bits by bits to reply, her lips said nothing, and Chisato knew Aya was picking it up.

"Do you have something to say?" Aya's question was soft.

"You called me the usual again."

"That's it?" Aya laughed. "I'm done running away, you know?"

Aya's hand movement to rub with the towel stopped, she lowered her head to meet Chisato's eyes. Chisato pulled a bit in reflex, but Aya made sure she stayed where she is by holding onto her shoulders.

"First, I'm sorry," Aya breathed. "I—I was a coward four years ago, and I left you. I don't want to take the risk to be with you with all that had happened. When I met you again after four years to see that you're _this_ pretty, I –" the pinkette choked back tears, eventually ommitting many parts she wanted to explain about her heartache but her time was short. "—I realized that my feelings are not even fading. I want to be with you, Chisato-chan."

( _Four years has passed and yet she's still blames everything on her—_ )

"No." Chisato bit her lips. "I should be the one who's sorry." She paused. "I forsaken you, Aya-chan, it was my mistake. I should've been sure, I should've never been throwing the chances or doubting my feelings," Aya blinked, her tears still falling. "I thought you're changed but then – it's all the same, you're Maruyama Aya I once believed; you're my love."

For the first time, Chisato no longer sense suffocation as she breathed, no longer she felt any remorse, any moist in her eyes due to sad tears. In front of her, Aya cried, a lot, but her eyes sparkled as her lips slowly upturned.

Though the moment must be cut short as Aya suddenly sneeze. _Really, it was stupid._

"Aya-chan …" Chisato let out a sigh, inside, she was torn between laughing and making remarks about Aya's antics. "You should take the bath first."

"Ehh? But I don't want you to catch a cold, Chisato-chan." Aya sniffled.

"Then, how about we take one together?"

There lies a moment of silence before both of them bursted in red. Neither are brave to look at other's.

"… I-I don't mind."

 

**xi.**

They didn't bother to talk during the bath, both trying to compose their own selves from the talk they shared before, from the swell of emotion, from the unopened box of feelings they have shut for four long years. Warmth radiated the room as they stepped out the bath, Aya gave one of her small yellow t-shirt for Chisato to wear along with black pants. Aya wore a simple white top with blue shorts she could find as she was aware most of her laundry was out there bathing in rain.

"This t-shirt …"

"Oh … right, it was my practice t-shirt," Aya said. "I kept them since that day."

They sat on Aya's bed with Aya didn't know what to do. The rain outside was still as hard as ever, nothing to see beyond the night. Chisato was staring to her feet as another idleness followed. Aya's bedroom is small, beside the bed, there are wardrobe and one table, she didn't get a nightstand to put her lamp, instead, she put a collection of small bulbs tied together forming a lining on the wall. It looks about the same as how they lined up lighting on the street, but Chisato didn't know that it could be used there, in a small room.

"If you turn off the lamp and let it on, it will look like stars." Seems Aya noticed where Chisato had wondered. "Wanna try?"

Chisato nodded, Aya reached the switch. The small bulbs started to blink, alternating between blue and white lights.

"It's so … neat."

"And cheap," Aya added. "Though sometimes I prefer to sleep with the lights off."

Chisato watched the lights flicker and back to Aya, who was watching her intently. A pause, before Aya pulled, feeling sudden self-conscious. Aya cursed at how much silence was present when they were together, as if anything will become void when she caught a glimpse of Chisato's face—her heart will race and soon she'll forget that she needs to breathe.

"… Aya-chan." A hand move to caress her cheek, small fingers belonged to Chisato. "Can you look at me, please?"

What shines her features was the blinking blue and white. Aya couldn't quite read Chisato's emotion, nor her eyes, nor her wants. She looked directly to those lips, which parted slightly before it closed, not mincing any words but a single huff, a single hint, a single opening.

"Nee, Chisato-chan."

"Mm?"

"Can I … kiss you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You know – I'm always afraid."

Aya felt her voice trembling, again, and there Chisato didn't bother to wait before fresh tears falling. Their lips met, slow and careful, Chisato pulled after one kiss to have a closer look at Aya, who's crying for countless times.

[ _Shouldn't she be the one who cry?_ Chisato wondered, but she didn't know how deep of four years had wounded Aya so. ]

"You're such a crybaby, how come it didn't change for four years?" Chisato said with a sheepish laugh, thumb grazed to erase the tears.

"Sorry," the pinkette sobbed. "I'm – so, so happy, I—"

They kissed, again and again, enough for Aya to melt. Though it was still raining from her eyes, Chisato was there now, Chisato was near – Aya could touch her and be with her _now_. Their hands were clinging everywhere; desperation and anticipation tolled in their minds and hearts.

The blonde surrendered to the bed first as both of them fall down. Aya circled her arms around, Chisato was filled with Aya and only Aya.

"I'll never let you go."

Aya whispered and they were lost to each other by seconds.

**[ ]**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Night of Sixth Magnitude Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087238) by [sieka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sieka/pseuds/sieka)




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